When we hear discussions about sexual health, the terms STI and STD are thrown around a lot. Well using acronyms does wonders for convenience, but falls short on explaining the significance of these words. STI stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection. Bacteria, viruses, and other parasites can enter the body as a result of sexual contact with another person who carries these pathogens (fancy word for germ). People can pass these pathogens around without even knowing it, because in many cases there are no symptoms. These pathogens get into the body and multiply in numbers, but do not yet cause any visible or recognizable symptoms.”Infection” most accurately describes the situation where sexual partners do not have symptoms and may not be aware that they have an infection. Depending on the strain of the bacteria, virus, or protozoa, these infections can cause physical damage, or a disease.

Most people with a Sexually Transmitted Disease will know it, because symptoms arise.There we have it. Not all STIs cause STDs, but a STD is classified as a STI.

Still confused? Check out these great resources with information on both STIs and STDs:

The Medical Institute: http://www.medinstitute.org/public/132.cfm
World Health Organization: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs110/en/

45% of kids look to YOU to be their role model for sexual health. You have more power over their sexual decisions than friends or celebrities. USE IT. Talk to your teens about the consequences of sex.

http://www.healthfinder.gov/news/newsstory.aspx?docID=653986

Source: The Sacred Mint http://bit.ly/nLNhwN

What can I do if I’m being pressured to have sex? Well first, you are not alone if this is something you are dealing with or have dealt with. Sexual pressure involves each and every child, teen and adult, and can even start a shockingly young age!

So, what is sexual pressure? Sexual pressure is the influence from an individual or social group on another individual to engage in any sexual activity. It can mean physical pressure, verbal pressure or emotional pressure. Ultimately, pressure is when someone wants or forces you to do something that you do not feel comfortable doing.

The general need to fit in is usually why people succumb to sexual pressure. They want to be liked and they want to fit in, but in reality the majority of teens in the U.S. are not having sex; and those that do have sex often feel regret, anger, emotional discomfort, guilt and depression. In fact, 2 out of 3 sexually active teens say they wished they had waited.[1]

Dealing with sexual pressure is by no means easy, especially if you want to be liked by your partner or peers. But when the pressure hits, have something to say for yourself!

Here is a list of few possible responses if someone says…

• Come on, just this once.” You can say:“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I’d rather save myself for someone I can be with for life.”
• “Everybody’s doing it.” You can say: “I’m not everybody, and you’re wrong. Most American teens haven’t had sex.”
• “If you really loved me, you would have sex with me.” You can say: “If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask and you would respect my feelings and beliefs.”
• “I promise we’ll use a condom every time.” You can say: “Even if we do, I could still get an infection or get pregnant.”
• “No one has to know.” You can say: “I’ll know and that’s enough.”
• “What are you afraid of?” You can say: “HIV, HPV, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes and about 20 other STIs.”
• “If we’re not going to have sex, then we’re through.” You can say: “Fine. See ya!”

The best way to avoid being pressured into having sex is to avoid situations where someone could pressure you. Always think ahead and have a way out of a situation that could make you feel uncomfortable!

Here are a few helpful suggestions to avoid putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation:

1. If you are tired, don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to make a tough choice late at night.
2. If you just broke up with someone, don’t try to ease the pain with something that will hurt you even more. Be aware of your emotional state.
3. Try not to be isolated. Take the pressure off by double dating and hanging out in a group of friends. You are less likely to lose control if you are around others.
4. And finally, be aware that when you drink or use drugs it can impair your judgment and make it harder to say “no.” In fact, a shocking number of teenagers’ first sexual experience involves the use of drugs or alcohol.[2]

So remember to speak your mind! Say “No” firmly and clearly and if you begin to feel pressured and uncomfortable try to change the subject. If that doesn’t work, get away from the situation. If it is hard for you to get away, say “NO!” firmly and clearly. Repeat it loudly. If you are being threatened, yell and run away. Tell a trusted adult, whether it is a family member, teacher, coach, counselor or school nurse and call 911.

You should never feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. You have control of your life and the decisions you make for yourself!

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[1] National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Not Just Another Thing To Do: Teens Talk about Sex, Regret, and the Influence of Their Parents. April 27, 2000.

[2] Kaiser Family Foundation. Virginity and the First Time: A series of Surveys of Teens about Sex. Menio, CA: The Henry J Kaiser Family Foundation; 2003. Publication No. 3368. Available at: http://www.kff.org/entpartnerships/upload/Virginity-and-the-First-Time-Summary-of-Findings.pdf. Accessed 2011 July 26.

 

What image do you think of when you hear the words teen parent? Now take a second. I really want you to think about this. When I mention teen parent what comes to mind?

 

Chances are you are visualizing a teen mother pushing her baby in a stroller or holding her baby in her arms while she calms him or her to sleep. Regardless of what she is doing, you are probably visualizing a teen mom when you hear the phrase teen parent. Am I right?

 

Society over the years has programmed us to think this way, particularly the media. People interchangeable use teen parent to mean teen mom or vice versa because teen pregnancy is usually seen as a “girl problem”.

 

Source: The Daily Californian

Last month I wrote a blog post about two shows that emphasize the difficulties of teenage motherhood. The MTV shows, ‘Teen Mom’ and ‘16 and Pregnant’, focus solely on the hardships of teenage mothers, but what about the teen dads? Where do they fit into all this? Why don’t they have their own show?

 

Periodically, the teen fathers make an appearance on the show. They add for some interesting drama, whether or not they are fighting about child support or being yelled at by their teen mom for not helping out enough. But the stars of the show are clearly the teen mothers and of course their babies. But last time I checked it still took a female and a male to produce a baby, so why is the mother the center of attention?

 

It is obvious that teenage fathers are often overlooked. Some would even call them the ‘forgotten partner’. In most cases it is the mother who ends up taking care of the child, while the father pays child support and occasionally attends to the mother and child. Teenage fathers are usually depicted as reckless deviants out to prove their sexual dominance with little worry of consequences; all awhile the teenage mom is stricken with exhaustion because she has been caring for her baby 24/7.

 

Teen fathers do not just receive this churlish title of negligent scamp because the media has decided to label them so. In fact, there is a strong correlation between teen fathers and delinquent behavior. According to the Rochester Youth Development Study and the Pittsburg Youth Study, prior involvement in delinquent behavior increases the risk that a boy will become a teenage father and teen fathers are likely to engage in delinquent behavior[1]. It is a vicious cycle that has clouded the perception of teenage fatherhood in our society.

 

This is not to say that all teen fathers are neglectful. In fact, many teen fathers want to be involved with their child’s life[2].  But this perception of the inattentive teen father may prevent young fathers in their efforts to provide for their baby.

 

When young fathers are empowered and supported, just as their female counterparts are, they are capable of making healthy and positive choices for themselves[3].

 

I recently read a story of a young male teen, with the assistance of his mother and sister, who cares for his child without the support of the teen mother. Travis Antonio Luciano is 19 years old and is a single dad. He works five days a week at a café at the Bronx Zoo and just recently received his GED. Luciano got his girlfriend pregnant, who was just 15 at the time. She moved to Philadelphia and occasionally visits their son. Luciano’s story is similar to any other teenage parent caring for a child. He has little to no free time, money is always tight and he simply misses being a kid.

 

It is stories like Luciano that need to be publicized in order to shed new light on the negative perception of teenage fatherhood. Teen fathers are faced with challenges, too, when they have a child to care for. What needs to be understood is that teen parent can and does mean teen dad too!

 

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[1] https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/178899.pdf 

[2] http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1074862,00.html
#ixzz1S6NiW6il 

[3] http://www.healthyteennetwork.org/index.asp?Type=B_BASIC&SEC=%7B3EEAA079-A14B-482D-B17D-895AD0CEBFE4%7D&DE=%7BD8BDEBCA-63C7-4C83-AE50-AB5B69F9E4C8%7D

 

She is the classic overachiever teenager, who is smart, athletic and popular. She had aspirations to go away to college with her friends after she graduated high school. She had big dreams for herself. Sounds like any other teenage girl right? I certainly fit that mold when I was a teenager. I was focusing on school and extracurricular activities, loved hanging out with my friends and family and looked forward to going on to college and beginning a career. But there is one big, I mean HUGE difference between myself and this classic teenage, overachiever. At just 16 years old, this classic teenage girl got pregnant and had a baby.

 

Now I don’t know this teen personally, but millions of people including myself have seen this story unfold. This young girl is actually Maci Bookout from the hit MTV shows, ‘16 and Pregnant’ and ‘Teen Mom’. Maci gave birth to her son, Bentley Candence Edwards in October of 2008. At just 16 years old Maci was on the fast track to becoming a parent. She lost all her teenage freedoms. Her pregnancy caused a rift between her and her baby’s father, she dropped her extracurricular activities, she struggled financially and she had to put college on hold.

I guiltily admit that I am an avid viewer of both ‘16 and Pregnant’ and ‘Teen Mom’. These series have all the ingredients for a good drama reality. There is fighting, crying, laughing, rejoicing and cute little babies!

It is easy to get caught up in their stories, but taking a step back and really analyzing the show I have to ask myself: Do shows like ‘16 and Pregnant’ and ‘Teen Mom’ only glamorize and glorify the lives of teen moms? Do they create an incentive for girls to get pregnant to try to get on the MTV hit shows?

MTV Stars of Teen Mom on the cover of US Weekly magazine

First off, the stars of ‘Teen Mom’ are earning a substantial amount of money from the show. According to Life & Style Magazine, the teen moms earn between $60,000 and $65,000 per season. That is a lot of money for a teenager!

 

Secondly, there is rarely a magazine cover that doesn’t have the latest teen mom highlighted across the cover about their latest drama or the seeming perks of being a famous teen mom. The show has certainly propelled these teenagers to fame.

 

But does this show REALLY highlight the benefits of being a teen mom? Honestly, I think it does the opposite. The show itself illustrates the tremendous hardships of teenage motherhood. Yes, the stars are now famous and make a lot of money for teenagers. That might appear to be a lot of money now. But it costs about a quarter of a million dollar to raise a child until they are 18[1] and you can make a good stable income if you go to college and get a degree.

Plus, what really are the chances of you getting onto ’16 and Pregnant’ or ‘Teen Mom’? Just think, about 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant each year[2]. Now that’s a lot of pregnant teens to compete with just to get on a reality show!

According to the New York Times blog, which asked a very similar question, a majority of respondents say that ‘Teen Mom’ and ‘16 and Pregnant’ actually are a great learning tool. The shows demonstrate the extreme difficulties of a teenage pregnancy, financial struggles, inability to finish school, emotional instability, loss of independence, added responsibilities, loss of relationships—both friends and family—the list goes on and on.

Lindsey C. commented on the New York Times blog:

I can learn a lot of things from the reality T.V. show Teen Mom. This show teaches abstinent and sexually active teens around the world the challenges that many of us face every day while also carrying a child. I can learn from this show that getting your education before starting a family is very important. I want to make sure I have a stable living before marriage or kids. It also teaches me how important family is. Many of the teen moms without family support are the ones who have the most struggles and stresses.

One thing that all the teen moms have agreed upon in ’16 and Pregnant’ and ‘Teen Mom’ is that they wished they had waited. I can’t stress this enough—waited. Waiting for sex is a decision that’s packed with a tremendous amount of positive benefits. If you’ve already had sex, don’t stress! It’s never too late to decide to wait until you achieve your life goals and attain self sufficiency, to have sex again. Becoming a teen mom requires you to give up your independent freedom. This is clearly evident in the shows!

So just think you have your whole future ahead of you. You don’t have to worry about pregnancy, STDs or emotional pain and turmoil, if you wait to have sex until you’re in a lifelong monogamous relationship; and by waiting you are free to explore, experience and enjoy all that life has in store for you.

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[1] Kost K, Henshaw S, Carlin L. U.S. Teenage Pregnancies, Births and Abortions: National and State Trends and Trends by Race and Ethnicity, 2010. Available at: http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/USTPtrends.pdf.  Accessed: 2011 June 22

[2] Ventura SJ, Abma JC, Mosher WD, Henshaw SK. Estimated pregnancy rates by outcome for the United States, 1990-2004. National vital statistics reports: vol 56, no 15, Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2008. Available at: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr56/nvsr56_15.pdf. Accessed: 2011 June 22

Recently “hooking up” is replacing traditional dating on college campuses in the United States. A “hook-up” is a sexual encounter – usually occurring between people who just met or are casual acquaintances – for which there is no expectation for a future relationship. Hooking up is the polar opposite of dating, which involves getting to know someone and developing a meaningful relationship over time.

The results of a recent study show that more than 95% of women and more than 75% of men preferred dating to hooking up. However, both the male and female participants had experienced more hook ups than first dates over a two-year period. These results indicate that this behavior is becoming the norm among teens and young adults in America.

To make matters worse, about two out of three of the participants reported STDs and one out of three reported pregnancy as risks associated with hook ups. Emotional risk is also associated with casual sexual encounters. A quarter of the females that participated in the study indicated that “wanting a relationship after a hook up and your partner feeling otherwise” was one of the greatest emotional risks. More than a quarter of the participating males indicated that “your partner wanting a relationship or getting attached” was one of their greatest risks.

This may sound like a cliché and cheesy, but it seems to me that women generally want more from men than men are willing to give right away – especially those in their teens and early twenties. Today, however, it seems that women are expected to hook up with men and not be surprised when the hook up does not result in a lasting relationship. This situation is portrayed as an everyday norm in the media and especially on reality shows that document men who meet women at clubs, have sex with them and then show them the door.

I am not a prude but I have learned the value of self-respect over the years from my experience with men and dating. I know this sounds old-fashioned but I have learned I’m worth more than a one-time sexual encounter and so are you! Plus, I am not going to risk my health for someone who sees me as nothing more than a one-night stand. I’ve got more respect for myself than that.

Living with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) isn’t the death sentence it used to be due to advances in medicine. However, it is definitely not an enjoyable way to live.

Eight years ago, someone close to me was diagnosed with HIV. We will call this person Adrian. Adrian was devastated, scared and went through a bout of depression for about one year after receiving the bad news.

Luckily for Adrian, HIV doesn’t automatically mean acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) or death. Medication that helps keep HIV patients alive and relatively healthy is available. However, there are consequences that come with medication. Some can cause mild side effects such as nausea and vomiting and some can cause more serious detrimental harm such as liver damage and osteoporosis.

Adrian takes a cocktail of HIV medication everyday to stay healthy. The medication makes Adrian nauseous and causes hallucinations and blurry vision. But Adrian doesn’t complain about it.

Adrian also has a friend who was diagnosed with HIV a few years ago. We will call Adrian’s friend Alex. Alex didn’t cope with the news as well as Adrian did. I saw Alex a few years ago and Alex didn’t look very good. Alex lost a significant amount of weight and looked sickly. Adrian advised me that Alex was depressed and didn’t like the side effects of the medication. Alex stopped taking them. Neither Adrian nor I have seen or heard from Alex in a few years. We don’t know whether or not Alex is alive or dead.

Adrian pointed out that no matter how hard the medication is to take, he will continue to religiously take it. Adrian’s reason is life. Adrian has a sunny outlook these days but every now and then Adrian will give me a hug, cry and thank me for being there.

Even though Adrian is relatively healthy and has a positive outlook, the possibility of an early death will always linger over my friend’s head. They say you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone and this is very true when it comes to your health. Respect your health and happiness and wait to have sex until you are in a trusting, monogamous relationship. It’s your life, well-being and happiness on the line. Don’t throw it all away.

I have a tight circle of female friends, and we have a lot of open discussions about sex and health. A few years ago, I found out that more than one of my friends had contracted Human Papillomavirus (HPV) from a sexual partner. If they hadn’t visited a gynecologist, they never would have known that they had HPV. I later found out that at least half of my friends (all in their mid-twenties) had never been to a gynecologist. My friends that hadn’t been to a gynecologist said they never went because they either didn’t need any prescription birth control or they were scared.

Even if you don’t need a doctor to prescribe birth control, it is important to know your risks if you are sexually active. Of course, there are risk assessment tools like STD Wizard that are available for free online.  Even with such tools, a visit to the gynecologist for important issues such as cervical cancer screening and testing for sexually transmitted diseases and infections is necessary. It is a precaution that could save your life.

Luckily, my friends that had HPV no longer have it. But, the scary thing is that they did not have any symptoms and may have found out only when they had complications. In some cases, HPV can cause genital warts and even cause cancer in the cervix, vulva, anus and the penis according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Whether or not you feel at risk, it is important to be aware of such silent infections and assess your risk based on your sexual behaviors.

You are not at risk if you have not had sex outside a mutually monogamous, long-term relationship with an uninfected partner. But, if you or your partner have had more than one sexual partner, you may be at risk for a common sexually transmitted infection such as HPV.  In some cases, a visit to your gynecologist is of the utmost importance to your sexual health. So, if you have had sex, assess your risk here [www.stdwizard.org] and go see your doctor. It could save your life.

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Everybody knows how exciting it is when a new relationship is budding. You see the person in the hallways and you feel  those little pesky butterflies in your stomach. Ah. Young love. There’s nothing like it. It’s even exciting to just watch it with your friends! All those chats after school about their current beau and how amazing he is (which I’m sure he is!).

It’s easy to get swept away in the magic of it all; whether it’s a relationship of your own or just one involving your best friend. Just remember, relationships are not always sugar plums and gumdrops. They’re fragile and need constant nourishment and work. The first 3-6 months of a relationship are typically called the “honeymoon phase,” which means that we’re usually so wrapped up in the enchantment of this new relationship that we might not be thinking clearly… We’re willing to let a lot of things pass under our radar because… Well, aren’t they just so adorable and perfect?

Unfortunately, there are many people who may not catch the red flags that they need to and end up finding themselves helplessly in love in an abusive relationship. They might see the different problems which arise but tend to reason them out or be too willing to forgive someone for inexcusable actions. Have you ever heard “It’s alright- s/he said s/he’s sorry” or “But I know s/he really loves me!” time after time? This person is just in a state of denial, or just isn’t ready to accept that they are involved in an abusive relationship. Don’t forget, both boys AND girls can both be the abused and the abuser. Gender does not define either role.

Now – what exactly is an abusive relationship? Abuse is anything which can cause both physical and psychological harm to another person. Abuse is defined as the systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that are used to gain and/or maintain power and control over another.

Therefore, an abusive relationship is one in which a partner purposely tries to control someone, often by causing some sort of harm to another. There are many different ways in which a person can be abused; but they are typically grouped into these categories: physical, emotional, psychological and sexual.

Physical abuse is what many people typically think of when they hear ‘abusive relationship’. It is when a physical harm is caused by one partner to the other. This can include: slapping, choking, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, punching, etc. It is NEVER alright to physically hurt a partner. I don’t care what the situation is –  just don’t do it. You hear me? Don’t. Do. It. Never!!!!

Emotional abuse includes cursing swearing, attacks on self-esteem, blaming, criticizing your thoughts feelings or any other behaviors that aim to manipulate another person in a relationship.

Psychological abuse includes threatening, throwing, smashing, breaking things, punching walls, hiding things, sabotaging your car or any other action that causes mental trauma and stress.
Sexual abuse includes any non-consenting sexual act or behavior

The most often overlooked form of abuse though is emotional abuse. It’s not quite as obvious, and most people assume since it’s not ‘physical’ or ‘sexual’ so it must not be ‘abuse’. But anything which may belittle, manipulate or cause any psychological damage to a partner constitutes an emotionally or psychologically abusive relationship. This can include: a partner controlling aspects of the others life (how one dresses, who they hang out with, etc.), humiliates the other, makes their partner feel unworthy, threatens the other if they show any sign of leaving the relationship, twists the truth to put blame on the other partner, demands to know where their partner is all the time, or shows anger or jealousy when their partner spends times with their friends.

Another way a person can be emotionally abusive is in pressuring their partner with unwanted sexual advances. When one person says something along the lines of “If you loved me, you would…”, that person is trying to manipulate the other. If you do not feel comfortable engaging in sexual behavior with your boyfriend/girlfriend, then say no. And if they’re unhappy with that, then they don’t respect your opinions and obviously don’t deserve you. Cut them loose, because they don’t have your best interest at heart. If they loved you they would be willing to wait.

Signs that a person close to you may be in an abusive relationship are: unusual bruises which don’t match an explanation, a drastic change in personality (i.e. somebody who is usually upbeat becomes quiet and withdrawn), problems with schools, not hanging out with their friends and spending all of their time with their new partner, not making decisions for themselves, sudden changes in the way they dress or look, abusing drugs or alcohol, change in appetite or sleep, more depressed or anxious than usual, changes in the way they use technology such as cell phones and internet.

Abuse is common and not many people realize they may be in an abusive relationship. This is more than the problem of bullying in schools or peer pressure (Teen Advice About Peer Pressure, Bullying and School Violence).

If you think you, a friend, or a loved one might be in an abusive relationship then GET HELP. Being in an abusive relationship can cause damage in both the present and future. Trust your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. Check out some warning signs here (Dating Violence Date Rape Warning Signs). If you are a parent or a teen mentor, get some tips on talking about this topic here (Dating Violence – What Can a Parent Do – Teen Dating Violence).

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